Peter's Rules

(By Peter H. Diamandis M.D. http://www.diamandis.com/peters-laws/)

  1. If anything can go wrong, Fix It! (To hell with Murphy.)
  2. When given a choice, Take Both!
  3. Multiple projects lead to multiple successes.
  4. Start at the top and work your way up.
  5. Do it by the book...but be the author!
  6. When forced to compromise, ask for more.
  7. If you can't beat them, join them--then beat them!
  8. If it's worth doing it's got to be done right now!
  9. If you can't win, change the rules.
  10. If you can't change the rules, then ignore them.
  11. Perfection is not optional.
  12. When faced without a challenge, make one.
  13. 'No' simply means begin again at one higher level.
  14. Don't walk when you can run.
  15. Bureaucracy is a challenge to be conquered with a righteous attitude, a tolerance for stupidity, and a bulldozer when necessary.
  16. When in doubt: Think!
  17. Patience is a virtue, but persistence to the point of success is a blessing.
  18. The squeaky wheel gets replaced.
  19. The faster you move, the slower time passes, the longer you live.
  20. An expert is someone who can tell you exactly how it can't be done
  21. If it were easy it would have been done already
  22. If you can't measure it, you can't improve it


Incognito’s Rules of a Chromatographer’s Life

(From The Column, Volume 11, Issue 21: http://www.chromatographyonline.com/rules-chromatographer-s-life&topic=151?eid=173084883&bid=1250230)

1. There is no “column cleaning” wizard who lives in the column drawer – you need to do it yourself.
2. The right column choice for the next method development is not “Whatever’s on the instrument”.
3. 5pm system suitability results always fail.
4. “Bob’s method” isn’t robust – otherwise we’d call it by the product name rather than the only person in the laboratory who can get it to work.
5. Instinctively know that aqueous ammonium formate buffer isn’t basic.
6. Be humble enough to know that it is only your job to keep the balance tidy.
7. Accept that it is fate that brings you and the words “calibration due” together (and you must have been mistaken when you saw someone else use the instrument earlier that day).
8. The flame ionization detector (FID) igniter didn’t ever work – it’s always been lit using the “clicker”.
9. It really isn’t OK to ignore the calibrants that make the linear regression value fall below 0.995.
10. You CAN turn the column around to flush the inlet frit without ruining it for all time.
11. 0.1% TFA isn’t a buffer (and w/v and v/v produce different pHs!)
12. Yes, the reference wavelength, bandwidth, slit width, and sampling rate are all important
13. There is no such thing as “That setting works for all of our methods”.
14. The method of GC column installation wasn’t invented by Harry Houdini.
15. Instruments do not have a mind of their own, and they cannot choose to fail overnight rather than during the day.
16. It’s not cool to hoard micro-spatulas.
17. Safety glasses lenses are plastic – they melt when used to see if the FID flame is lit.
18. Buffers have ranges, and the person who developed the method didn’t know what they were.
19. The person who left the pipette tip dispenser empty really was called away on a genuine emergency.
20. HPLC system backpressure is inversely proportional to the number of people in the laboratory.

 

BASIC TRAINING

1. If you open it, CLOSE IT!

2. If you turn it on, TURN IT OFF!

3. If you unlock it, LOCK IT!

4. If you break it, REPAIR IT!

5. If you can't fix it, CALL IN SOMEONE WHO CAN!

6. If you borrow it, RETURN IT!

7. If you use it, TAKE CARE OF IT!

8. If you make a mess, CLEAN IT UP!

9. If you move it, PUT IT BACK

10. If it belongs to someone else, GET PERMISSION TO USE IT!

11.If you don't know how to operate it, LEAVE IT ALONE!

12. If it doesn't concern you, DON'T MESS WITH IT!

 

Murphy's Laws

Murphy's Original Law
        If there are two or more ways to do something, and one of those ways can result in a catastrophe, then someone will do it.
Murphy's Law
        If anything can go wrong ....it will.
Murphy's First Corollary
           Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
Murphy's Second Corollary
            It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
Quantized Revision of Murphy's Law
            Everything goes wrong all at once.
Murphy's Constant
            Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
The Murphy Philosophy
            Smile... tomorrow will be worse.

Conclusions
1.   If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the first one to go wrong.
        Corollary - If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then.
2.   If several things that could have gone wrong have not gone wrong, it would have been ultimately beneficial for them to have gone wrong.
3.   Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
4.   If anything can't go wrong, it will anyway.
5.   If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
6.   If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
7.   Everything takes longer than you think.
8.   You never find a lost article until you replace it.
9.   If nobody uses it, there's a reason.
10.  You get the most of what you need the least.
11.  Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
12.  Mother nature is a bitch.

 

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